She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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