my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
