Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
