The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
