Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
