I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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