Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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