i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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