I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
