I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
