Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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