if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize