I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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