There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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