I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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