So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
