I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
