TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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