i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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