My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
