The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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