??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
