She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
3 2 1 whiskey
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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