One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Are we still banned from the library?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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