There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
