So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
