life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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