last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
