walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
