DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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