So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
