Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
