y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
