Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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