So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
