i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
