Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
