I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
