If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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