Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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