apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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