Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
