he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
