found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
