She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
