I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize