you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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