you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
