Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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