Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dicks are not precious.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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