Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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