can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
