your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
