Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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