Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
