***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
