You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
