sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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