You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
