Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
