just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
