maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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