my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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