Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
