we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
