Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
