There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
