Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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