She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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