i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
