My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
