I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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