I need help removing her.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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