I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
