I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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