it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
