great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
