Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
