I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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