I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
