There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
nutella sex= disaster
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
