I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
