I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize