we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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