"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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