youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
