i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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