just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
