I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize