addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
