Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
