I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
