you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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