Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
