id be glad to
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
