I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
