Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
